one small wave
the turning of heads
one change in stance
the memoirs of a dark past


the absence of sound
a dejection truly felt
a simple sentence from you
a rejection truly made


the principle of the thing
just turned into the humiliation of the act
the solidarity of the act
turned to solitude of a man


these memories of joy
that went away
these memories of love
that flitted into the distance


the concept is grasped
the execution is elusive
but who else can i turn to
in my moments of solitude





well. as many would already know. 29th May is a very momentous date in my life.
so how exactly was this sad sad writer of this post able to survive such a tremendously painful day?
simple, i didn't go to school for art today. no stimulus for thought, no flashbacks. or at least, that's what i believed. anyways i didn't really have anything to work with for art to begin with, so i didn't really see a point in me going to school.
so i started my day eating a hellalot of food for breakfast. [think, 3 packets of instant noodles with chicken and egg] and lazed around trying to digest that for 2 hours in front of the tv. as grace always says "fat people digest horizontally"
then whilst talking to Isaac online. Mum decided to drag me to help my aunt shift house. so i was busied with helping to pack, seal and label boxes to be moved by the movers tomorrow. so that kept me busy till like, 12?
then we came home and lazed around. Mum and Dad left to help out again at 2. and i was left alone at home. and of course, it's dangerous to leave this poor boy alone. his imagination always runs wild. well this time when it hit 3pm it really stuck me that it was seriously, ONE FULL YEAR! and that was that! flashbacks for about half an hour. but this time. it wasn't at all painful. well, compared to the last flashback i had about it like, half a year ago?
well my ipod entertained me and walking about novena square helped to keep my mind off it all. saw TY and a few others at Surf N Rider. haha.
well then it was tuition and more moving of stuff and blah blah.

basically. i survived because i had things to keep my mind off the whole thing the entire day. and that was awesome.

tomorrow i'll write the note i'd been meaning to write for a long time now.
i hope things will be going back to normal soon.

signing off,
julian hallems



i'm trying really hard to keep my head straight
trying really hard to keep myself from falling
the fatigue of the attempt is getting to me
2 more days, just 2 more days.

i'm tired.

i don't want to do this anymore.

signing off,
julian hallems



9:00pm: yeps, i'm sittin' here. mm hmm. still sitting.
9:01pm: hmm, it's a little hot, maybe i'll turn on the portable fan. [goes to turn on the fan]
9:03pm: ok... i'm sitting here again. yep. this is gonna be a hot post. yes it will! uhm... yeah. you know.. today was... yeah... you know... yeah, that was today.
9:05pm: maybe i should begin my chinese homework. it's getting pretty late. and o levels are like, next monday. or... maybe i'll stone here for a bit. i'm kinda tired.
9:06pm: oh wait. do i have any other homework? oh mann.....
9:07pm: oh i just remembered. i bought that new Melody Gardot CD the other day... i should go listen. [opens iTunes] ooh. i'll listen to Kings of Leon first.
9:08pm: [sings along to "Use Somebody" and "Revelry"]
9:12pm: ok... i'm too lazy to get the cd out of my bag. pfft.
9:14pm: ok. i shall stop stoning. i'll go get something to do.

man. that post took a while to do, how draining.

signing off,
julian hallems.



i swear, on a really bad day like today, watching High School Musical 3 was a really good consolation for me. YES. you read it right, HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL THREE. such feel-good movies just really soothe the fired soul.

well well. today's been an emotional rollercoaster. so i needed that brain destruction. yeah. i told mother the atrocious results in the car. so yeah..... thank god, i'm not getting screwed yet. though i am being guilt-tripped. pfft. never works. so yeah

signing off,
julian hallems



Death keeps trying to enter
but Fate and Chance keeps blocking the door


Destiny is prancing around the room
while Happy is laughing and skipping


mother Memory is reminding everyone to behave
but as usual, Stubborn never listens


Fear is shivering behind Justice
and then Evil barracades them altogether


oh, Peace went along with the boy who ran away.
where to? probably to hide till Need looks for her again.






i'm waiting so long for justice to be served.
no more waiting for reconciliation. i'm sick of being called a dog.
bastard, i hope you just die. literally. i'll laugh.



i personally, was really disappointed with the single they wrote for the american idol finalists.
it was so plainly and blatant that the song was written specially so Adam could scream his lungs out at every chance he got. and they wrote the key too high for Kris. is this some sort of conspiracy theory to make sure that Adam won?

i hope America's smart enough to choose the person who's really got the skill and hasn't been favoured throughout the whole competition. heh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESkvcEPg2UQ&feature=channel_page

It's alright, It's okay by Ashley Tisdale.
this song has kept me alive today. :D

i changed the skin back to this old one. because as THE date approaches, i suppose a trainwreck would describe perfectly how i'd be when the day really arrives.

fuck.

signing off,
julian hallems





haha. i think this is really hilarious.
"a workaholic, a shopaholic and according to the state of California, an alcoholic as well as a threat to all security guards, if they work in hotels"

i've heard about this video. never found it till i saw it on pseudosentiment.blogspot.com awesome. haha.

"a redhead who's crazy"

signing off,
julian hallems



well, mid years are officially over. though for some reason i'm not all that excited that it's over. i feel like just meeting someone, sitting down and stoning for 3 hours. shrugs. mid years took a lot out of me i guess. ___ and ___ are quarelling again, and i've learnt to be a little more quiet in school. you can sense when you're not really welcome amongst a bunch of people. sometimes it's best for both to just stay away from each other? even though no reason might be given. right ___ ____? right ________? right ___ ____? right _____?

well i shall stop complaining there.

I think there may be a chance i'm getting used to the idea of selective mutism. there was an article about it the other day. seemed interesting enough. shrugs. i'm beginning to dread the idea of going online to msn. it's terribly dreary to find out everyday about how many people i've lost contact with. i've just got nothing to say anymore. haha. i used to rant to these people a lot. but i'm trying to stop.

in a way i guess i've changed a lot in the past 2 weeks particularly. although everyone just thinks i'm just being some depressed kid crying out for attention. maybe i am. maybe i'm not. who really defines these things? i guess what i'm trying to say is that as long as it's not appropriate or absolutely necessary, i'll just stay out of everything. i think that's best for me, for my friends and especially the "friends" who now hate my guts.

sometimes i really wonder, what can i do to seek forgiveness? i can't even speak to them, and i sure as hell have no guts to go up to them and have a confrontation. gah. maybe i do need someone to talk to about all this. and it sure as hell is not going to be anyone religious, no professional psychiatrist or whoever. i just need a friend i suppose. a real friend. though, being left behind about 5 times before already, i can't exactly trust people much. but i tried. and i got backstabbed and threatened with it at least 5-6 times already. so screw people, seriously. i hate the world. i hate people. i hate feeling like this.

but anyways.
happy birthday nick fung, i hope you'll stop hating me soon.

signing off,
julian hallems



you have no idea how happy i am to see him in the finals. haha. ever since he sang "she works hard for her money" a few weeks back. i've been an ardent fan of his. HAVE YOU HEARD HIS VERSION OF HEARTLESS BY KANYE WEST? my god. flawless. i'm downloading the studio version as we speak. the original was already awesome, but this? this is JUST AS AWESOME.

haha. i hope he wins. Adam's falsetto's awesome. but Kris is more like the kind of music i'd listen to.

GO KRIS!

signing off,
julian hallems



i just realised that my previous post was my 51st post on this blog. amazing.
oh and i was just researching around google. turns out the surname "hallems" is only found in Texas. haha. and to clear the misconception, you don't pronounce it as "hall-ems" it's like, "hay-lems" get it? yeah... it's weird to have my website being called "hall-ems" yeah. it's spelt like that but that don't mean it's pronounced that way!

i realise that my standard of english has been diminishing on this blog. i'm still waiting for time to do something with this complete waste of space here.

maybe i'll try making a new layout tonight. WITH a tagboard so i can figure out who reads this blog. i think it's a pretty freaky thought after all to not care who reads what i type here. because a lot of people now think i'm psychotic. haha!

signing off,
julian hallems.

maybe i really am a psychopath! oh man...



well, before today comes to a close and before Blogger goes on the outage it's warning me it'll go on at the top of my posting page...

this weekend has been pretty eventful. not in a sense that i've been studying for exams or anything like that. because the only bit of studying i'm going to do this weekend holiday is after i finish typing this post. yeah, my mid years are pretty much just, screwed?

well let's start out with Friday night shall we? I managed to sneak out to meet ______, who, by the way, left me to wait at the bus stop for half an hour in the blistering heat that is Singaporean weather. pfft. then i went to the clubhouse to talk to the BV peeps till like, 1130pm. fun.

Saturday. I lazed around in the morning whilst trying to figure out how to work Grace's camera from online manuals since she didn't have one and she didn't feel like teaching me. then we went over to Michelle's place where we began the photoshoot for my artwork. man, that was extremely fun. haha especially when the stack of unwanted papers came into the picture. [think, torn and crumpled paper, covering the floor]. It was a little weird in the beginning, She IS my cousin after all. but yeah. we started out laughing our asses off and how weird the photoshoot was. and then after about an hour everything kinda loosened and the idea of the photoshoot didn't seem so looming after all. the pictures came out great. i'm still wondering what i'm gonna do with them though. but at least i have something to fill my prep work. PHEW. so it was cab ride home and then the usual saturday routine. except i was having a bit of insomnia so i ended up making IOUs for mum and dad's birthdays. haha. :X till about 4am.

then sunday was mum's birthday. as a matter of habit, i didn't wish her. went for mass with the guys[literally, only guys, wonder what happened to all the girls] and went for lunch at this hong kong restaurantat god-knows-where. i didn't really care because the food was awesome. and i ended up overeating slightly. then it was off to my aunt's house again to get the lens cover i left behind from the photoshoot and to borrow their camera for my future use since Grace obviously does not like me using her camera to begin with. pfft. Michelle and Linette surprised mum with 5 little cakes with candles. cute. there was like, new york cheese cake, tiramisu, hearty chocolate, green tea and uhm... this other cake that i don't know what the name is. it was all good, so who cares? then i challenged Darryl to tap tap revenge 2 and i obviously trashed. though the head collision was NOT fun.... so then we went home and Mum made PORK CHOP! awesome, and i got to help make the mashed potatoes! so dinner was with grace, nicky, gail, melvin and mum. and i ended up falling asleep during charlie and the chocolate factory later that night. ah well. slept early for the first time in a long time.

then today. was the most interesting day of all. i woke up, ate breakfast. and realised i needed to shit. so i did. though that's probably something you didn't need to know. heh heh. and by the time i came of the toilet, Kenneth had already arrived at the estate. so i rushed like mad to the car park rooftop for the photoshoot session. it went pretty well, except i was so anxious about the shoot itself that i forgot to check the photos after i took them, so quite a lot of them ended up being really dark. but nevermind, it could work, gives the natural dark feel to the entire thing. shrugs. oh then it started raining! and the lighting struck on the car park like, three times? i nearly became petrified each time it struck. kenneth kept laughing at me because i kept squirming whenever the lightning struck. pfft. so we decided to leave. he had a jacket so i guess he was pretty ok going back home. save for his shoes though. SORRY KENNETH! but thanks for agreeing to the shoot to begin with! oh and the highlight, smart me decided to try to go home in the rain. went to the front of the clubhouse, and started running across the road with the camera in the pouch under my shirt. and the best thing happened to me. i slip. i catch my balance. i feel funny on my foot, and then i realise. MY SLIPPER BROKE. haiz. my only slipper from Bicol and it broke. and because i was so desperate to get to shelter, i took off my slippers, and began walking home barefoot. it was fun! though i kept worrying if i was gonna fall or not. i kinda freaked out just about everyone i passed by though. they were probably wondering why this freak's barefoot and soaking. haha. got home, showered again, and uploaded photos.

before i knew it, it was time to get ready for Gail's graduation ceremony. long story short, we got dressed, left, and got to the auditorium at Ngee Ann Polytechnic. i'm amazed at how lavish they can make these ceremonies. impressive, really. Gail got a Special Award Certificate for commendable performance. congrats Gail! and after the ceremony, we laminated the certs, ate a bit of mee siam and then made our way to the JUMBO restaurant at Serangoon Garden Country Club for mum and dad's birthday dinner. my god, 7 people, 10 DISHES. not fun. i'm still feeling like i overate and it's been like, 4 hours already. urghhh.

in summary, my weekend was filled with photos, drama, FOOD and birthdays. oh and more food, oh and more food still. i think i gained back the 5 kg i lost. urghh. it's okay. it's still exam week. i starve myself more during exams. LET'S GO LOSE THAT 5 KG AGAIN.

welcome to julian hallems, all new, improved and AMAZING.
BIGGEST LOSER JOURNEY. BEGINNING [WHEN I CAN!]

hahaha. what a load of bullshit from me

signing off,
julian hallems.



God I really hate Fairytales and happy movies with happily-ever-after storylines that always makes the perfect life seem so, achievable.

it just reminds me of how sad my life really is.
ah fuck.

signing off,
julian hallems.



ah, again the emotional turmoil.
things like these are so annoying.

signing off,
julian hallems



haha at last i've finally gotten it. after 2 years. my third one. haha and oddly enough, it's with this layout. :D

[edit] DOUBLE HAPPINESS. not only do i have a sotd, i also have a skin on the all-time top rated. which, by the way. is freaking awesome. see it here




you have no idea how many times that same sentence will haunt me when i hear it.
so many thoughts would begin to haunt me all over again.
so fuck you, fuck you very very much.

for the record, i'm not bi, i'm not homo, i am fucking hetero okay? fucking deal with the truth. if i were freaking gay, wouldn't you think i'd have a boyfriend by now? sorry to burst the bubble of your fucking homophobic mind.

heh. assholes.
julian hallems



i am now going to announce on my blog, my very very public blog, what just about every single secondary 4 student in Singapore is probably thinking right about now in the midst of this Influenza A pandemic.
WE ALL WANT SINGAPORE TO GO TO RED ALERT JUST SO SCHOOL WOULD CLOSE AND WE WON'T NEED TO TAKE MID YEARS TILL LATER.

haha. well, i've been trying to watch the news and read the papers everyday just eagerly anticipating how much worse this H1N1 thing can be till school closes. i think MOH is waiting for a case to appear in Singapore or something. i don't know. but the school made a "boo boo" today, in the words of ______. because they forgot to lock the side gate at the bus stop. so at 6:10am today i walked into school through that gate. and probably everyone else after me as well. haha.

i've been watching Mexico's daily comments on how they feel that just about every country in the world is "bullying" the Mexicans. They complained about China yesterday and today they've had another press conference basically talking about the same thing. no offence to Mexico, but really, they should not be so surprised about everyone else quarantining the Mexicans. it is after all the epicentre of this whole pandemic anyways. so obviously, well or unwell, all the Mexicans would be quarantined. besides, they have said that the Influenza is contagious one week before the symptoms begin to show, so even if they SEEM well, it doesn't necessarily mean that they ARE well.

ah well. global politics. i hope i never have to be a part of it.

signing off,
julian hallems.



oh and i actually feel pretty accomplished this weekend. i might not have begun to study for every subject, but i'm proud to say that i have completed studying for Chemistry and Biology. but i am not proud to say that i've spent my entire weekend doing those two subjects that i've neglected my other subjects and my homework. it's 11pm and i'm still procrastinating doing my math papers. i'm so screwed.

I'm got everything set up for my attempt to do homework to begin, i've got my tao kae noi on the table, my worksheets nicely placed, my pencil laid across my foolscap paper, my ipod with its earphones connected to it awaiting for me to listen to it. i've drunken my Green Tea to keep me awake, and i'm perfectly alert for homework. I've sent the cover design to rovik, glad he likes them. so i should be able to start anytime now.

now, it's time to start. yep, anytime now. yeps.
ah i give up. i'll try again in 15 minutes.

STOP PROCRASTINATING MANNNNN.
julian hallems



feel jealous. feel very jealous. i'm watching CATS tonight. and yeah. exams are like, 4 days away i know. but hey, i missed phantom of the opera. i'm not missing this.

well with swine flu going around like a global pandemic. things are getting pretty weird in school too. and we've been testing the whole class relay system over the weekend. ah well. Jason, Michael, Joshua and everyone in their level have gone into NS and they're all bald! i still want to see photos of them though. Michael looks pretty cool with the short hair. haha.

anyways. i wanted to actually start ranting about somethings. but nah. i'm telling myself not to. so ok. i shall not. anyways. have a fun weekend everybody. my blog's completely useless to read for now.

too braindead to care really.
julian hallems.

i'm just your typical forteen year old boy. adolescent, dealing with growing pains just as any other normal human teenager would. except what sets me apart is that i go by the name of glen and i am the supposed owner of this forsaken web page. i'm odd in the way that i have very frequent moodswings and i argue a lot with everyone - including my best friend. so i guess i'm your typical, not-so-typical guy.
i'm just who i am. metro, a SNAG and the oh-so-annoying bitch. lazy, cranky and irritable in every way. just living out my life as normal as i possibly can. with friends that can hurt me to the core and enemies that surprise me. it's no wonder i keep this blog.



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credited

blogskin by theboydisturbed.
images from daifuku-sensei

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