i can't cry anymore. i want to, but i can't.
gong gong, i never got the chance to know you more.
you never got the chance to see me complete my o levels,
gong gong, i pray you'll be at peace.
everyone misses you a lot.
mum won't stop crying.
ah yee won't sleep.
they both won't eat.
i know you're watching over all of us.
take care of mum and ah yee.
take care of linette too. you know how much she loved you.
STEPHEN BOEY WONG YAN
24.01.1929 - 26.03.2009
rest in peace
he's getting that much closer to leaving us
now i know how Liz Tan feels
maybe i'm regretting i didn't get to know him as well as i should have
or maybe i should just be comforted that he's going home
that he's going to be living in God's loving embrace
i don't know anymore
but is it just me, or is life just getting harder and harder to get by?
i don't think i have the strength to pretend i'm a mature young adult anymore. i just don't. so let me be a kid and not feel guilty about it. i think right about now i deserve to at least feel like this. i can't be strong enough to come and give a show that i'm fine when i'm not. right about now i don't have the stength to keep telling myself it'll all be better. right about now, i don't have the capability to say that i can handle it. because truth is, i can't. i really can't. and that's pissing me off.
i guess it begins now.
all over again.
don't ask.
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tried, but I don't know why
well it's 12:30am and instructors course is still underway.
i think right about now i have a really big decision to make. and that is to actually figure out where exactly i want to be aiming for and what exactly i want to do in my life. I've been dragging this decision for a very long time and Chai has been filling my head with the whole idea of IB. and you know what, it's working, i'm honestly and seriously considering it. the thought of having to mug for 2 more years about subject theory at A levels have seriously made me consider the idea of the project-based IB programme. i've never been much of a theory person, but yet i keep on trying anyways. maybe the IB is really more suited for me after all?
and then there's the whole thing about needing to convince mum and dad about IB. dad seems pretty open to it, but mum completely cancelling out the option for me. am i going to be disobeying if i seriously consider IB? no idea.
and i guess i still haven't really figured out who i am to begin with. my entire life and all my thoughts have been filled with the influences and thoughts about what other people say about me. i'm trying to remember how many times i had actually considered things by myself, for myself. what am i? who am i? what am i aiming for? how am i going to be like in the future? all these questions that generated during the Bicol trip. 3 months post-return, the questions are still lingering in my void of a head. i really am not sure what to think now. take things one step at a time? but it's my O Level year, how can i not plan for the future? follow my instincts? what if i have no gut feeling on the matter?
how is it possible that a person can actually have no thoughts about an issue. yet be able to effectively give an intelligent answer. is it because i've been simply regurgitating whatever people tell me that i should be saying? how have i been ruling my life? my life has been filled with so many different situations and many a time i always take an outsider's opinion to heart. what if my resolve isn't strong enough? what will happen then? am i truly maturing? or am i stagnating at the current level of my mental capacity?
i have a lot of things that i need to sort out soon. a lot of conflicts i need to find ways to resolve. a lot of self-discovery to have. dammit. this isn't the right year to be having such an identity crisis.
woohoo. after a full month off the painkillers and the anti-depressants. i'm back on it again. the chest pains came again yesterday evening.
oh the joy.
all it took was that slight scent of temptations
all it took was one single opportunity grasped
before they knew it, it was stolen
stolen into the arms of the dashing prince charming
what happens next, the hero continues
what else to do, the villian plots
as satan watches closesy over his victims
and God begins to quiver away
where did they go wrong, the smiling town
facades of the good and the excellent
truth within the inner walls
faces of happier people, running through the houses
woe, the deed is done
the mistake is made
the regret has come
what else can a person say
when you feel like you touched heaven
yet you realise it was hell
the pit of death that drags you in
deludes you in the face of pleasures.
what else could be done?
a kiss, a hug to save the day?
hoping that they'd show mercy
all at the hands of fate
just when you thought that things were solved
one foolish act, one weak resolve
and woe to thee, thy heart is scorned
and woe to thee, thy strength forgone
what is your identity
what is your stand
what is your mission
who is your man
in the darkest corners of the land
sin commits in multiple ways
inevitable as the rising sun
the stain on your soul is clear.
give up now
give up dear
there's no other way out
from the sin and hurt you've caused
ah screw it.
___, you're a bitch.
so much for _____ spirit.
an activity comes along and no one gives a effing shit.
so screw it. screw you all.
if this blog wasn't public.
none of those blanks would be there.
with the words i always held inside of me
i held my emotions inside my tears
my vulnerability always got the better of me
just as i thought i had gotten it right
before i knew it
everything just came tumbling down again
and the tears that weren't supposed to fall
tempt me, incite me, destroy me
i'm just your typical forteen year old boy. adolescent, dealing with growing pains just as any other normal human teenager would. except what sets me apart is that i go by the name of
glen and i am the supposed owner of this forsaken web page. i'm odd in the way that i have very frequent moodswings and i argue a lot with everyone - including my best friend. so i guess i'm your typical, not-so-typical guy.
i'm just who i am. metro, a SNAG and the oh-so-annoying bitch. lazy, cranky and irritable in every way. just living out my life as normal as i possibly can. with friends that can hurt me to the core and enemies that surprise me. it's no wonder i keep this blog.
click.
friend
friend
friend
friend
friend
friend
blogskin by theboydisturbed.
images from daifuku-sensei
