I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tried, but I don't know why
well it's 12:30am and instructors course is still underway.
i think right about now i have a really big decision to make. and that is to actually figure out where exactly i want to be aiming for and what exactly i want to do in my life. I've been dragging this decision for a very long time and Chai has been filling my head with the whole idea of IB. and you know what, it's working, i'm honestly and seriously considering it. the thought of having to mug for 2 more years about subject theory at A levels have seriously made me consider the idea of the project-based IB programme. i've never been much of a theory person, but yet i keep on trying anyways. maybe the IB is really more suited for me after all?
and then there's the whole thing about needing to convince mum and dad about IB. dad seems pretty open to it, but mum completely cancelling out the option for me. am i going to be disobeying if i seriously consider IB? no idea.
and i guess i still haven't really figured out who i am to begin with. my entire life and all my thoughts have been filled with the influences and thoughts about what other people say about me. i'm trying to remember how many times i had actually considered things by myself, for myself. what am i? who am i? what am i aiming for? how am i going to be like in the future? all these questions that generated during the Bicol trip. 3 months post-return, the questions are still lingering in my void of a head. i really am not sure what to think now. take things one step at a time? but it's my O Level year, how can i not plan for the future? follow my instincts? what if i have no gut feeling on the matter?
how is it possible that a person can actually have no thoughts about an issue. yet be able to effectively give an intelligent answer. is it because i've been simply regurgitating whatever people tell me that i should be saying? how have i been ruling my life? my life has been filled with so many different situations and many a time i always take an outsider's opinion to heart. what if my resolve isn't strong enough? what will happen then? am i truly maturing? or am i stagnating at the current level of my mental capacity?
i have a lot of things that i need to sort out soon. a lot of conflicts i need to find ways to resolve. a lot of self-discovery to have. dammit. this isn't the right year to be having such an identity crisis.
i'm just your typical forteen year old boy. adolescent, dealing with growing pains just as any other normal human teenager would. except what sets me apart is that i go by the name of
glen and i am the supposed owner of this forsaken web page. i'm odd in the way that i have very frequent moodswings and i argue a lot with everyone - including my best friend. so i guess i'm your typical, not-so-typical guy.
i'm just who i am. metro, a SNAG and the oh-so-annoying bitch. lazy, cranky and irritable in every way. just living out my life as normal as i possibly can. with friends that can hurt me to the core and enemies that surprise me. it's no wonder i keep this blog.
click.
friend
friend
friend
friend
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friend
blogskin by theboydisturbed.
images from daifuku-sensei
